On 4/20, I read a New York Times article “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Roll Me a Joint.”  It got me thinking, have we gone from ‘Roll out the barrel’ to ‘Roll up the joint?’  As a Matchmaker who represents successful entrepreneurs with a median age of 48, I don’t think so.  While most people are open to dating someone who occasionally enjoys marijuana, more frequent use is a “Deal-breaker”.   I’ve only had one “420-friendly” client who wanted to be matched with someone who shared this connection, or at the very least, accepted this was part of his daily life.  It was pretty challenging to match him!  When I asked potential matches to explain why this was a deal breaker, the responses ranged from “it just makes me uncomfortable”, “I don’t like it so I don’t want to be with someone who needs to get high” or “that’s an addiction, I want to be with someone who has a healthy lifestyle”.

The top three deal breakers I hear are 1) cheaters/liars  2) addictions of any kind include drugs, alcohol and porn and 3) mean/judgmental/controlling personality.  

On a biweekly basis, my team and I will give the Love Lowdown on various topics from different perspectives and demographics.

Melissa

It can become unhealthy if the sole connection you have with someone is rooted in one single activity, especially one that includes using an illicit drug. However, people should understand that forming any relationship based on one common interest, whether it be the use of marijuana or simply biking together, can only propel a relationship so far until it collapses under the weight of that one shared interest.

With that being said, I enjoyed the nontraditional connection that Ms. Peckler chose to single out. There is nothing wrong with engaging in an activity that is going to help two people break down their barriers to forming a stronger emotional connection. In fact, capitalizing on marijuana use as an icebreaker can aid in removing the stigma that people have come to associate with it. The men and women using this service are not your typical pot heads, they are working men and women just trying to spark a connection. The goal is not to reenact “That 70s Show” and hot box in your parents basement, it is about removing roadblocks that you may have trouble facing in a more traditional dating arena. And hey, maybe this one connection will lead you to discover that you have more in common than just smoking a toke and passing a joint. There is no “one size fits all” approach to dating.

Persis

I personally think that marijuana can ease the nerves during a first date or make a first date a little less awkward, but I don’t think it is necessarily healthy to base your entire relationship off of the drug. Marijuana, in a relationship, should be something that you both have a mutual understanding for, and you should both be on the same page. I don’t think that it should consume you or be a lifestyle. Forming an entire relationship based on your love for a substance is a bit surface level. I say this because I wonder what would occur if you just took the marijuana away? Would the spark fizzle out? I also worry that associating your significant other with a drug or even a high would lead you to become emotionally unavailable whenever not using the drug. Or worse, what would happen if one of you were to cut back or leave the drug altogether? Like Ms. Peckler said, “moderation is key”. If you both enjoy it and have a healthy relationship with the drug, meaning that you don’t rely on it to connect with your partner, then by all means enjoy it and enjoy it with your partner! And in case anyone is wondering, my definition of a “healthy relationship with marijuana”, is similar to enjoying a glass of wine with your partner. It’s fun, you both let loose, and enjoy each other’s presence. If you’re both avid wine enthusiasts then you’re going to share that but it’s not going to be the backbone to your relationship.

Gabe

In my personal experience, I haven’t seen much of a stigma surrounding marijuana; although this could be a result of my age range. I’ve known about relationships that had a smoker and a non-smoker, I’ve seen smoking be a turn-off and keep two people from ever dating, and I’ve seen the excessive use of marijuana tear apart some relationships.

The problem I see with this type of marijuana-centric dating service is that their inherent premise isn’t entirely accurate. Psychoactive substances don’t necessarily allow for a more genuine connection. That sort of thinking is akin to saying drunk people are more honest. What smoking and other substances allow for are faster connections through the use of a crutch. It can be challenging to warm up to someone over a period of time, people don’t want to feel too vulnerable and exposed in a situation where they can be outright rejected. Being high, and especially in a situation in which both parties are actively looking to make a connection, can make that connection come more easily; plus, you always have the fallback of “I only said/did that because I was high.” However, I think learning how to navigate these situations is important for a person’s development.

I think what is actually the saving grace for this type of service isn’t so much that it puts smokers together, but that it puts people together who really, really care about smoking in general, together.  However, that has its own set of issues. Several of my friends have gone from smoking and growing their own marijuana, to only occasionally smoking or downright quitting. I think it’s something people generally use less and less overtime as they get serious about other hobbies, interests, or careers. Ultimately, I think you’re better off building a connection around something else.

Your Thoughts?

We’d love to hear your thoughts, do you agree? Disagree?  We’d also like to know what topics interest you and we’d be happy to give our team’s Love Lowdown.  Tell us your thoughts and suggestions by commenting below or sending to [email protected]

Next topic “Too much too soon”

Veronica went on one date and there appeared to be a strong mutual connection. Veronica was very excited (and rightfully so, he told her he really liked her). But instead of her sending a simple “thank you for a nice evening” text, she overly expressed how wonderful he was, how she saw a beautiful future for them and how she couldn’t wait for their next date. He responded with a text “I’m heading out of town, I’ll contact you when I get back”. Again she responded with another text, still offering WAY TOO MUCH excitement, this time she got crickets.

Veronica was distraught and wanted to send another LONG message, hoping he’d ask her out again. This is where I came into the picture.

I explained she was giving too much of herself to a man who gave very little to earn that gift. I also explained she was taking the lead and if he (or any man) was truly interested he would pursue her, not the reverse.

I did give Veronica the green light to reach out one last time with a simple text, “Hadn’t heard from you and I’m hoping you’re ok”. This gave him the green light to reach out to her. Well, she never heard anything back and realized he wasn’t worth getting upset over. Yes, it hurt her ego but he only invested one evening with her and afterwards didn’t even have the decency to respond to her text with something nice to say. Veronica now feels more in control of how she will text in the future and knows the right man will show he likes her before she gets carried away.